Miss you, baby girl. I dreamt last night that I held a dark-haired baby girl in my arms. Except she was my sister's baby and her name was Maeve. I dream about babies a lot these days - almost as much as I did at the beginning. Little girls mostly, but sometimes little boys. Sometimes they are alive and full-term. Sometimes they are tiny like you. Sometimes they are just kicking in my belly. When I wake up, I don't always know if it was you I was dreaming, or just babies generally.
Most of the mommies I know have had their new babies by now. They blog about those babies a lot and about what it's like to have one missing, one in their arms. Holding that balance. I can't even bring myself to wonder what that's like. It's so far away for me that most days I don't really believe it will happen. Maybe I'm going through the motions - trying absolutely everything so that in the end, I can at least heal myself of regrets.
Most days, I don't want a new baby. I just want you. You are my one impossible thing. Miss you lots. Mama loves you.
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longing...
"...for the vanished girl her mother searched and visited all lands in turn. Where the girl was she knew not, but she reproached the whole wide world, and in chief the places where she had found the traces of her loss. She roamed the earth over in search of her daughter, by day and by night with torches, from sunrise until sunset, hour by hour. Bitter pain seized Demeter's heart, and she sped like a wild bird over the firm land and yielding sea, seeking her child. But no one would tell her the truth, neither god nor mortal men; and of the birds of omen, none came with true news for her."
- Ovid, Homer, others, me
- Ovid, Homer, others, me
pre-term labor awareness
gifts
4 comments:
Baby dreams leave me with a bittersweet feeling. Mostly I'm OK with them.
I want so much for you to have the balance, too. Sometimes, with the new guy here, I get afraid to think of her, to want her too much, because I know how easily everything can be lost. I don't want even my thoughts to appear ungrateful. But I still want her so very badly.
Sending lots of love your way. Remembering sweet Mae with you.
xo
xxxxxxxxx
Thinking of you, Jenni. This post broke my heart, it really did. I want, what I've been lucky enough to get, for you, so badly.
xo
You are my one impossible thing.
Oh Jenni. I also dream of tiny babies, always girls. And I want my girl back too, so very much.
Remembering your precious little daughter and sending love and hope to you xo
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