remembering together: come swap with me!

I've launched a new project for the holidays. Check it out over here.

Last Christmas was bad. Really bad. I remember lying in bed at my mother's house, listening to my neices making little-girls-at-play noises outside my door and being unable to will myself up. Unable to open the door and face the big family holiday, with the kids and presents and the joy, with one missing. A very important one missing. I did open the door eventually, and... it was just as bad as I thought it would be.

Part of the problem was that I didn't make any plans to incorporate Angel Mae into our holiday. I couldn't. I was absolutely shell-shocked. It was all I could do to bring myself to mail order one ornament with her name on it. In hindsight I wish I had rallied more support, found a meaningful project, connected with more babylost friends, been more vocal. But you know, you can only do what you can do at the time.

I am determined that this holiday season will be better. Not a lot better - I don't think that's possible. But just a little better.

So I am organizing a babylost holiday ornament swap. If you sign-up, you'll receive an ornament with your baby's name on it, made with love by another babylost parent. And you'll also make one ornament with another baby's name and send it to that family. All the details and the sign-up form are over here.

Let me say right up front that you don't have to celebrate Christmas in order to participate in this swap. In fact, I dearly hope that religion or family background won't deter anyone. Non-denominational, wintry ornaments are totally an option here. And don't be scared if you are not a crafter! I am not crafy at all either. Your ornament can be super simple. It's the thought that counts.

That's the most important thing to me about this swap--knowing that someone else out there is thinking about our children and acknowledging that we might be missing them even more right now. Last year I had a lot of friends who completely ignored Angel Mae's absence, who openly questioned why I wasn't excited about the holidays. Yuck.

So I just want to say: I am thinking of you. You probably have some bad days coming up. You should be cuddling your child during these cold days and holidays. Your child is missing the first snow, presents, sweets, and the beginning of a New Year. Your child is missing from around your family feast table. It all sucks. It is all heartbreak. I know there's nothing anyone can do to make it better. But I would like to make you an ornament with your child's name on it. Want to swap?.