three mother's day chats

At work yesterday morning, in a meeting with my boss and a consultant, they both complimented my beautiful new necklace - made for me by Tina for the Mother's Day swap. They asked what was written on the charms. And I told them. It is a very small workplace where I have been for only a few months--I was not really planning on telling them about my daughter at all, even though I wear some kind of memorial jewelry there every day. But I did tell them - the 30 second version, reasonably calmly. They ooohed and ahhhed and looked surprised and made sympathetic noises. Then we went back into meeting mode - it took them a minute to refocus, but I didn't feel scrambled at all. It was sort of a relief to "come out."

* * * * *

At the soccer game yesterday afternoon, another soccer mom whom I'd only just met asked me if Lilly is our oldest. "She is my step-daughter," I said, "and she is our only."

* * * * *

At the Chinese restaurant last night, as I was waiting to pick up our order, I heard the owner wishing Happy Mother's Day to customers ahead of me. When I moved to the front of the line she looked me up and down. "Are you the mother?"

"I am the step-mother," I said.

"Ah," she said smiling. "It is the same thing. Happy Mother's Day."

* * * * *

I am feeling pretty good about each of these conversations. They each made sense for where I was and who I was with. And I think the first conversation of the morning made the other two conversations easier. I need to trust that I will always publicly own my baby girl when it's important, when it matters, when it's safe. And I need to take credit for my daily mothering of Lilly, which is a huge part of my life.

But as I walked back to my car with that bag of Chinese food I thought: what a strange, strange world I live in now.