shelf

I've lost some weight. My hormone levels are changing, there've been a couple of walks, a couple of swims. ... This morning in the shower I looked down and noticed that my shelf is gone.

I was only 20 weeks pregnant with Angel Mae, but I already had a little shelf. You know, when the the top of your bump starts just below your diaphragm and starts to really stick out. The shelf.

Right after her birth, I had that shelf for a while. Even though my uterus had shrunk, and my baby was gone, I got to keep my mommy body for a little bit. And now it's really going. Just one more loss on the long list here. My breasts are less engorged, my nipples less dark, some weight dropping, my belly flattening.

I know that for many mommies, getting back to pre-mommy body after pregnancy and nursing is very important, and very pleasing when it happens. Especially since our world is kind of down on the mommy body, not treating it like the badge of honor it really is.

My body will bounce back pretty quickly. I won't have that badge of honor. Or the baby. I'm not sure I'll ever look at my body the same way again. Much less pleasure in "looking good." My waistline a reminder of of all I've lost. I miss my shelf.