when your baby dies, stuff cabbage in your bra

I think my breasts are almost back to normal. Over the weekend I noticed that I had not drunk any sage tea in three or four days. I had naturally eased myself off of it without really noticing. I did notice that Brian and Lilly have nasty head colds. So suddenly my sage tea has a new use - drying out head colds. A part of my healing/grieving process is complete. But one more part of my pregnancy is over. Another goodbye.

I hate how time is separating us now. Sometimes it feels like Angel Mae and I are two ships sailing slowly in opposite directions. Or sometimes she is right here. Sometimes I feel her already gone, ripped away in an instant...

Sage tea is a natural remedy for drying out/suppressing breast milk. It's important to stop lactation when there is no baby. I'm very grateful to my doula sisters for this recommendation. One or two cups of sage everyday, plus sports bras, plus being careful in the shower. I did pretty well. Some swelling, heat, discomfort, itching, but no pain, leaking, or infections. I know that for many women, their milk coming adds insult to injury, or injury to injury. But I did okay.

And I only had a few days on the cabbage. Cabbage is a very old nipple remedy. Good for nursing/not nursing/weaning moms. Treats infection/swelling. Cools things down. You take some cabbage leaves, maybe steam a little to soften, then throw them in the fridge or freezer. Then line your bra with them. My most absurd moment of this entire experience. Is this really what it is? When your baby dies, stuff cabbage in your bra?

Still, I'd rather that than a "miracle pill" from the docs. The cabbage and the sage - this is old wisdom, handed down from woman to woman to woman to woman. Old wives tales and witches' brews. Underground, hidden wisdom. Plant and earth and vegetable wisdom. Not valued and appreciate very much any more. But very often needed.